


on the edge of insanity

by revoleotion



Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Angst, Dark Magic, Ezra is not mentioned by name but you'll get it, M/M, Panic Attacks, That's Not How The Force Works, adventures in wild space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: He could feel himself spiraling. He felt something creeping up on him, incomprehensible insanity, that his mind was never supposed to process.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	on the edge of insanity

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: description of a panic attack, implied but vague character death

He could feel himself spiraling. He felt something creeping up on him, incomprehensible insanity, that his mind was never supposed to process.

He lingered on the edge of it for a while, eyes wide open and his fingernails digging into his thighs. He had no script for this, no art piece, no history fact to compare to.

Thrawn inhaled but the air felt like poison in his lungs. He tried again, in shorter intervals, and a part of him suggested that he may be hyperventilating but it still felt like there wasn't enough oxygen in his body.

Colors bled into insignificance, he closed his eyes to escape them and found himself greeted by darkness. He had never been the person to imagine things when he closed his eyes. There'd always been a _feeling_ for concepts, for people, nothing that could be translated into pictures. An art lover indeed, but also a useless artist. 

But this insanity was colorful. It was all the universe’s horror forced into his head. It wrapped around his brain, distorted it. He was trapped inside it, forced to watch. Thrawn had always felt home inside his brain, despite or maybe because others never seemed to understand it. Not now. 

He had to stop this. It wasn’t a loud thought, not as clear as he would’ve liked it to be, but it was there just enough. Thrawn pried his eyes open and looked down on his fingers. Through a veil of panic and tears, he found them shaking. 

Everything around him was working against him. But there was one thing, one memory at the bottom of his foggy brain, that he could hold onto. 

_Vanto_. 

The name interrupted the panic, if only for a second. Thrawn’s tired memory supplied pieces of how they first met, how Eli Vanto had looked at him when he had assumed Thrawn couldn’t see it. The shared room at the academy. 

Letting him go. 

Reality pushed him over the edge, into the arms of the dark side. Thrawn hid his face in his hands and dug his fingernails into his skull. There was nothing, no memory, nobody, that could save him. 

Thrawn surrendered to the wild space. He surrendered to the dark forces trapping him inside his own head. 

He hoped the Jedi was safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> the prompt was supplied by darth_troller and I'm very happy with how this turned out. It's one of those texts where I try to give every word a meaning while still saying very little. I guess that worked.  
> Anyhow, thanks for reading. If you're interested in my other stuff, I'm currently doing a thing about Eli meeting Pryde? And I also have a blue exorcist project that I should really write more with, now that I think about it.  
> \- ben/eli


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